THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
own trial, that we were not the root cause of the hurt but possibly the unfortu- nate target. In this response, we allow time to pass and pray the other person comes around (also recommended along with #3).
We just spent the entire last chapter talking about how to disconnect from unhealthy relationships. What happens if we disconnected from someone and now we want to reconcile with them? The ultimate goal is to mend our damaged relationships if we can. Sometimes it is not possible, but we can commit to hope.
Hope is a very powerful go-to response that will help us stay on the path to restoration.
It is defined as “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” In this case a restored relationship. I love the quote by the Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu, who held out a lot of hope for the end of apartheid in Southern Africa. “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness,” he said.^10 Hope in God and His power to restore gives us that light.
Romans 5:3–4 gives us instruction about what to do during problems or trials.
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.”
Perseverance means refusing to give up on someone or something just because we are facing difficulty. As we persevere, our trials and problems help us develop endurance. Living out of that endurance builds strength in our character, which strengthens our faith—our hope—in Jesus’ ability to save and restore us, the other person, and the relationship.
It is because of hope that relationships can be saved, revived, and restored. Without it, we can’t get past hurts done against us, and we cannot expect others to get past what we’ve done or neglected to do for them. So then, reflecting on the Romans passage above helps us to know that hope is one of the critical building blocks of relationship, a very powerful one that does several things:
- Hope gives life to a relationship—it perseveres. The hurt is still there, but hope helps people to say, “I’m not giving up on this friend, family member, or co-worker.” It is tough to be in a relationship with someone who is brokenhearted or breaks your heart. Try and try, sometimes a friend or family member will need our perseverance to keep hope alive.
- Hope saves. Someone could be swimming in a sea of despair, floating in the dark night of the soul, and then a word of